“The thing I’m worried about most is that some of our family won’t take our wedding day that seriously”
This comment came through recently from a lesbian couple planning their wedding day. But it also made me wonder if many couples, gay & straight, have a similar concern when they are planning to do things that make their wedding day look a little different to the norm.
I know I had the same concern for my own wedding day. At first we were using words like “commitment ceremony”, but it seems that created more confusion. What is that? What does that mean? What should we wear to a commitment ceremony? We even had a few friends that had driven, not planning to drink because they didn’t think it was a “proper” wedding reception where they’d be fed and boozed.
After many frustrating conversations, we just began calling it our “wedding day”, using the term “marriage” and using all the other words people inherently understand. Being a same-sex couple we then of course got the comments “but that’s not legal is it?” And so again we began worrying that people weren’t going to take the day seriously.
So what makes people understand that your wedding day, despite what it looks like, or who it’s between, is big, is real and is about a commitment to each other for life?
There are things you can do leading up to the day, starting with your invites. Whatever your style, make them suit the day so people start to get a feel for what to expect. You might even want to include a note inside that explains what your day is about, or even answers questions you think some of your guests might be wondering.
Be patient with questions and misunderstandings that come through along the way. There will be people that can’t make it. This is always the case, with any wedding, so try not to be too sensitive about people’s reasons. You want people at your wedding who want to celebrate you right?
Involve friends and family with your plans. Delegate jobs, however small, so people become a part of your day and know how much effort, love and thought is going into it.
And then relax. When it comes to the day emotions run high and love becomes a visible, tangible thing. Whether you’ve got bare feet, are exchanging swords instead of rings, lighting bon-fires instead of candles, or just standing next to someone of the same-sex. Finally and sometimes to their own surprise, people will get it.
Love conquers all.
Have you got a story or experience to share? Ways of helping people understand the importance of your day?
Leave a comment and help others know they’re not the only ones battling the sometimes misunderstood world of the wedding day…